JUNE

As my fourth month in London begins, I have another glance at my life.

On the first of June a new member was added to our family at 164 Seaford Road. Federica from Sicilia will be sharing Simone’s room till Monica’s departure for Spain in July. A new sister means less space in the fridge and more shampoo bottles surrounding the bath, but especially, more love.

Last night I was wondering about Vasco’s behaviour with me, which seemed unfriendly too often. I knocked at Simone’s door - Daddy, sat on his bed and let tears flow on my cheeks.

-          Tomorrow have a chat with him, baby.

The night before I was in love with a boy and Monica my elder daughter was there to reason that maybe he had a girlfriend although it was not written on facebook...

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I start to refuse opportunities. Make choices.

London is full of people. London offers loads of jobs, loads of friends, loads of habits... I understand that it is up to me to take only what is good for me, rather than jumping on everything because I am not used to this feeling of abundance.

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Work demands a lot self-confidence and perseverance. Day by day, I learn more about myself. I learn that I thrust others more than myself.

While we were closing the restaurant, Jorge feigned to lock the front door and seize my phone, while I was outside, left alone on the stairs. I laughed and failed to open the “locked” door and then calmly waited for him to open it. He pulled the unlocked door. Jorge was surprised how easy it was to fool me. And so I was.

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My fear of being moneyless is gone. I spent my free time of the last three days shopping: shoes, clothes for work, whole food... My earnings allow me to treat myself and I have to renew my belongings. The clothes and shoes fitting in my plain little luggage, torn, worn out and stained, are not sufficient anymore. I need my pride back.

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I did not answer to University.  Over one month ago I felt it. I deeply felt that I would not go back to Canada in September. I could not imagine it. I accepted the fate; I guess I am meant to stay in London for a little while.

I want to be here to welcome Nancy and my father soon, my sister in August, then my mother and whoever wants to visit. I want to live more, learn more. I am not ready for university courses of which content seem insipid in comparison to everything I can get here in London. Now.